Scared Of My Own Mind *trigger*

Once again I have not been posting, let’s face if life gets in the way. Anyhow I don’t know what type of blog this will turn into. What I want to know is when the F#%k does it get better. I have done so much in the last year (2017) you think I would be on top the the dam world! but NOPE!!!! yes I started working I got my car on the road, I got to do so many things I never would of been able to before. With all the good things that have happened I am becoming more and more depressed. I see no point anymore. I have battled self harming, Massive anxiety, eating issues, health scares, but depression oh well that thats the new #1 spot. 

I have so many people who LOVE me but it is mattering less and less, i’m cutting so many people out, because Im tired of hurting them, I feel everyone just looks at me with pity. everyone tries to help but nothing anyone tells me helps. pills help but i’m tired of it an endless circle. I hate my life and I hate complaining… its not like me. no one knows how to help and I don’t know what to tell them. Im a failier to my self and to some others I know,

Everyone is moving on with there life’s and i’m 21 and in the same god dam place i was 8 years ago. I am always told ” baby steps”  and even though they mean well it does not help. I have no control anymore over everything and I HATE IT. no one even gets it I just get labled. I am strong but even strong people can break. I don’t know what help will help at this point. I need something to be here fore a reason . # depression stucks balls. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s