Over the past 8 years of my life I have battles crippling anxiety, To the point where I have taken leaves from school and had to stop working. I had no life plan because I had no hope for myself.
Over the past year my life has changed for the better. I started rock climbing every other day, I GOT A JOB, I have gone to a few weddings and ate out at them also a huge fear for me. I have not ate out prior to this for over 8 years, I cant believe how much as changed.
Today I went to a Formal holiday party for my work. Not only did I attend this event but I ate there and after went out to the bar to play pool. last year I was talking about how I did not think I could ever work again and was so lost. I felt like giving up and almost did. Now I feel free like I can push myself more and more. I still battle with my anxiety mostly with meetings as my work host 7am work meetings and it is so hard to attend them, as mornings can be dodgy for me as i often feel ill. I am lucky to have a caring boss and my general manager is able to let me work around my health and anxiety, makes working less stressful.
This year has gone by so fast and I cant believe where I am at. I am still not where I want to be but getting closer every day and glad I was able to get out of my comfort zone. gave me more of a life to live. battle everyday and I can be hard on my self for not starting collage and i’m about to turn 22 but baby steps. you can do anything if you truly believe. mind over matter.
So Easter Day was interesting, woke up really ill so was expecting it to go bad. I got up around 11 am , hopped in the shower then went down stairs. Later that day my parents and sister went down to Welland to have Easter supper, with my dads side of the family. I packed up and headed out to the store to get some things for my youtube vlog, sadly all was closed. I ended up going home and filming my video any how, but was still not feeling great, so was thinking what I was going to do next. I finally decided where I was going to go for a hike. I packed up my dogs in the car and camera, and headed out. Now because I was still not feeling to well, was just going to go alone. I decided to call my good friend Ryan to come with, push my self you know how it is. We headed out to St.George and drove past my old house( looks the same) and started hiking with the dogs.
The hike for me was going good had a great time and was the first time I really felt like I was making the progress I wanted to. We hiked for about 2 ish hours did not have one anxiety attack, so thats good for me lol. We started heading back with the dogs ( golden and a Chihuahua ) But we wanted to do something else. I was starting to feel the effects of not eating causing a bit of anxiety for me, because I was starting to feel sick again.
After getting home and cleaning up the dogs because the pups where covered in dirt, we, decided to go out. I contemplated for a bit but I wanted to really push my self for Easter. Ryan and me went to our local bar and fun spot Wacky Wings and played out usual games of pool. Not only did I play pool I ordered some food well fries, it still counts. I had probably 3 mini anxiety moments but all manageable and had a great time. I decided to head home because I still wanted to clean up the house and head out to the farm.
Once I got home I cleaned up changed my boots and headed out, Of course Feet still got socked, well welcome to Canada…. Well, when I got out there I decided to take my horse down to the arena and see if he is good as new, He was great 1000 times better. Then people started to show up at the farm, I conquered some more fears. I road with people their and got back to jumping. I decided to wrap up the day and head home. was a great time over all and lots of up and downs. Fell like I made progress and I am happy with where I am heading.